A Life Lesson Taught by the Queen of the Prudes

For the first few years after graduating from college, I'd often go back and visit friends I had made among those in younger classes. I'd often make a weekend of it, crashing on the floor of someone's dorm room or on one of the couches in the quad where some of my friends lived.

I remember one time I went to visit and spent the last half hour of my trip visiting with Kathryn. Kathryn had started dating one of my classmates, Tim, our senior year. As Kathryn was a freshman, she had three more years to go after Tim and I graduated. I wouldn't say that Kathryn and I were ever all that close. Mostly, I knew her because of my friendship with Tim. As we sat there talking that day, Kathryn asked in her ever-curious tone of voice, "So, do you have a boyfriend?" I'm not sure if Kathryn ever realized how much that question shocked me. You see, Kathryn was probably one of the last people I ever would've expected to ask me such a question -- let alone in such a casual, conversational manner.

You see, Kathryn, like most of my friends and acquaintances from college (or at least the ones I hung out with up until my last semester) were conservative, evangelical, and often fundamentalist Christians. In fact, I always (and still do, though I think five years of marriage to Tim has mellowed her some) thought of Kathryn as the "Queen of the prides." She was often vastly disapproving of the slightly more risquee bouts of humor the rest of my social circle was fond of. And while she was willing to wear clothing that bared her ankles, she was tended to dress rather conservatively or "plainly." And yet, despite all of her conservatism and prudishness, she calmly and sincerely asked a gay friend if he had a boyfriend -- without ulterior motives, no less!

I think that moment has driven home the point that people can surprise you more than any other moment in my life. In that moment, I was faced with the fact that my preconceived notions about how Kathryn would treat me -- though they were based on what I still consider to be pretty compelling evidence -- were quite wrong. I had misjudged her. It made me stop and think about how it's too easy to make incorrect assumptions about how people will act in any given situation, even when those assumptions seem reasonable.

I wish I could say that I learned my lesson about making assumptions about other people, but I can't. I've since had many conversations where I had to admit that I fell prey to preconceived notions about how friends, acquaintances, and even strangers would react or what they were thinking in a given situation. I probably always will. But I at least try to remember that one question asked by the Queen of the prides when I catch myself making such assumptions. And then I try to open myself to the possibility that the person I'm dealing with may surprise me, too.